For Better or Worse

This past weekend I attended a wedding outside of Napa, CA. It was very nice, aside from being much colder than I had anticipated. The ceremony was beautiful and did a good job of reflecting the couple’s faith. Much of what was said reflected Christ’s marriage with the church. I really appreciated this aspect because I think too often today weddings focus more on the “happily ever after ideal,” and the reality is that is not why Christians choose to marry one another. It definitely focuses into the decision, but I think more importantly Christian couples should wed in order to serve and glorify Christ. Happiness will come when the couple is putting God first in their relationship. Anyway, enough on my thoughts about marriage, what isn’t the purpose of this post. Aside from the wedding I spent a day in one of my favorite cities, San Francisco, spent time with Katie and friends and Katie’s older brother, and enjoyed a break from work. Just a warning, the post gets a little long, but trust me, it is worth it. At the end you will think “that Mikey is one smart dude or that Mikey has really gone off the deep end.” But either way, there will be fulfillment for your diligence.

Being at the wedding got me thinking about relationships and such, and in my deep thought time I realized applying to medical school, in the most superficial way, is like choosing to marry someone. You are probably reading this, saying to yourself “wow, Mikey has really gone off the deep end. This medical school application process is really messing with his head.” But hear me out. Let’s start from the beginning. In the application process, the first thing you do (aside from getting good grades, volunteering, scoring well on the MCAT, and all that other stuff that you do to make yourself look really good) is fill out the primary application. This application is a common application that you can send to as many medical schools as you like. In terms of the dating-marriage process, the primary application is like saying “okay, I am ready to date. I have a pretty good idea of who I am as a person and I have an idea of what I want in another person, but let’s test that out. Maybe I will ask some girls (or guys, but for me it would be girls) out that I think I might like.” From there you kind of feel it out, figure out what you like and what you don’t like in people, and learn some things about yourself in the process. With the primary application, you fill it out and say “okay, I am ready to start this medical school application process. I have a pretty good idea of who I am, what I have done, and why I want to become a doctor. Now I am going to put myself out there and see if anyone is interested. These are some things I think I would like out of a medical school, so I will apply to medical schools that have that and then maybe some wild cards.” And away you go. So for a while you date and see if anyone gives you a serious look. Then it gets a little more serious, or so you think.

In the dating world, we call the second phase “dating.” This is when you start to get a little more serious. Instead of going on group dates, you take just one person out on a date. You might do this, say, once or twenty times with different people. It can go a number of different ways, but it usually a learning process. If you haven’t dated before, then it can be a little uncomfortable at times. You go out with girls (or guys, just so I am not being gender biased, but you know what I mean) and think “I need to make a good impression, but do I really like this person, do I really care, am I talking enough, am I being interesting enough, are they talking enough, do I have food on my face, oh Chinese food always makes me gassy this was a bad idea, now they are being really boring, I just want to be hanging out with my friends, okay good the date is over, but do we hug, should I kiss her, do I really want to do that, but I don’t want to be rude, maybe we will just do an awkward butt out or side hug, how long do I wait before I call her.” So yeah, you think a lot of things and it is exciting and terrifying at the same time, but that is dating in a nutshell. It goes very much the same way with applying to medical school. Once you send out your primary application, you start to get secondary applications back. On these, schools say “okay, that is all good, but we want to know a little more about you, please, tell us more, we are interested.” And this gets you really excited. You think things like “oh man, they like me! I really want to make a good impression, so I am going to work hard on these secondary applications.” But then you realize that medical schools are kind of, for lack of a better word, easy. What I mean is they are a bit of a tease, you think they really want to know more about you, but most send a secondary to everyone. And they do this because with every secondary application they charge a fee, usually between $50-100. And they now applicants a suckers and think things like “I need to submit ever single secondary I get to give myself a fair chance.” But that’s not true. For example, I applied to Stanford, I will complete Stanford’s secondary and pay their fee, but let’s be honest, my chances of getting in there are slim to nil. Not to discredit myself, but that is a fantastic medical school, and I applied there fully expecting not to get it. I think I just want to pay them $100 to laugh at my application. Anyway, this is making me depressed. Moving on…

So after dating for a while, you make the decision to date just one person, or as we call it in the business, being in a relationship. You narrow done the people you go out with to one (or a couple, if that’s your thing. But I hear doing it that way can get awkward and get you into big trouble. Plus I would imagine it would be hard to juggle several significant others. I mean I have a hard time remembering my own name sometimes, so how am I supposed to keep track of several other people’s names and lives. Anyway, I am probably getting in trouble right now and digging myself a hole. And the first rule of holes is stop digging.) Sorry, where were we? Oh yes, getting more serious. Anyway, in dating you decide “okay, I like this person; I will date just them for now.” And you do that for a while with no real expectations. With the application process, it isn’t as monogamous. Like I said, the medical schools are a little looser. So after they take a look at your secondary most go “Ew! No thanks!” (Valley Girl accent emphasized). But a few stick around. They say “I dunno you guys, he seems really sweet, I want to get to know him even better.” And their friends go “oh girl, you’re tripping. He is a D O G.” But, like I said, some schools have a soul and they bring you in for an interview, and the short lived relationship begins. An interview is like a quick, really awkward date. The people from the school ask you some more questions, you sweat a lot, and I imagine there is probably coffee, but no one drinks it because they don’t want to run to the bathroom in the middle of the interview. So you have your quick interview, which represents several months/years of dating, and then you wait.

In dating, the next logical step is a break up of an engagement. After being with someone for a certain amount of time (which is different for everyone) you can tell if you want to marry that person or end the relationship. Actually, not every one can figure this out, and end up staying with someone they can’t stand. You know those people, you see them at the mall or the grocery store getting in a fight over nothing. It can really be pretty sad. But anyway, for the sake of argument, let’s say you decided to get engaged. You think and pray about it, talk to the girl’s father, buy a ring, and orchestrate an elaborate engagement. And she says yes and it is glorious and then you start to plan a wedding. Well, the admissions equivalent to getting engaged is getting a letter of acceptance. That really is what engagement is anyway, a form of acceptance. But one or a few of the schools you have interviewed at say “yes, we like you, we really do, please come study medicine at our medical school. We believe we will both benefit from this union.” And it is glorious and then you start to plan going to that medical school. Some people get into multiple medical schools, the really smart people, and it is multiply glorious for them. And if you get into more than one school you have to decide “which school is the best fit for me?” But the argument breaks down a little bit here, so we will ignore that scenario.

So then you plan a wedding and then have the wedding and then live together as husband and wife. And there are good times and bad times. And you grow to know each other more than you could imagine or care to imagine, but it is good because this is the way God intended it. In terms of medical schools, you get accepted by a school, say yes, this is where I want to go, plan for it, move to that city if you need to, apply for financial aid, and start school. And it is a long time. Four years of class work, one year of internship, and two years of residence. And you grow old with being a student and it is good because that is the way God intended it, I think. And then you are doctor, an old wise doctor. (I know, that is the end. A bit of a let down, but I just ran out of juice and I think the parallels really end here and with each paragraph it became more of a stretch. But I had this idea in my head for a few days and I wanted to share it. Sorry it is so long.)